Hello, and welcome to the Modern Manners Guy’s Quick and Dirty Tips for a More Polite Life.
Many of us have been in the situation where other people’s children are causing a disturbance. Perhaps in a restaurant when a heated game of tag nearly shakes the bread off the table, or even in your own home when your living room gets turned into a jungle gym. It’s never an easy situation, but here are a few suggestions to help get you through.
Remember that the people with whom you should discuss your grievances are the parents, or in the case of a restaurant your server or the maître d’. You should not scold or admonish another person’s children.
While you shouldn’t discipline other people’s children, you still may be able to engage them in a positive way. If there are kids running by your table at a restaurant, you might ask them their names, engage them in a more quiet game, or fashion them a toy from whatever you have at hand (napkins, straws, etc.) that involves them in something focused and craft-like. It may alarm parents if you go up to their children and start to interact with the kids without parental permission. But if the children are already at your table, then it seems perfectly reasonable to talk to them (and of course the parents should really have them under better supervision).
Set your expectations in line with the setting. It’s a very different story if you are at a fast food restaurant at lunch versus a fine restaurant at eight o’clock in the evening.
If you do have to talk to the parents of rambunctious kids, you might say something like, “You certainly have some lively kids. They are very cute, but it’s a bit noisy at our table. Do you think we could ask you to quiet things down just a little bit?”
If you have children coming to visit you at home, it’s good to have a few things on hand to keep them entertained. Games, building blocks, trains, washable craft supplies and age-appropriate videos can help make sure the kids will have things to keep them amused. Of course check with parents in advance to make sure everything is acceptable.
If you have particular house rules (for example, no shoes in the house), try to let the parents know beforehand, and ask if it’s OK to tell their kids when they arrive.
If children are becoming wild and reckless, it is reasonable to ask their parents to try to get them under control, but try to have some sympathy for families with young kids, and ask the parents if there are any games or activities that could help. Remember that different families have different standards of appropriate behavior, so you do run the risk of offending your friends who may think that their rambunctious offspring are just being normal children.
Finally, try to have some patience. Sometimes it’s a choice between finding the activities of children to be a noisy annoyance or a joyful sound, so try to choose the latter whenever possible.
So here’s hoping all the kids around you are well-mannered, and thank you for listening to quick and dirty tips for a more polite life.
Send your question and comments to manners@quickanddirtytips.com Or leave a voicemail at 206-666-4MrM. The Modern Manners Guy is part of the quick and dirty tips network. Check out the other great shows at QuickAndDirtyTips.com.
