Greetings all! Modern Manners Guy here, and today I'm going to tackle, no, pound into your head, no, beat to death the topic of anger management. See what I did there?  

But before the beating begins, first, a word from our sponsor!

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Carpet Bombing

Now, let's suppose that there's a famous musician, no wait, Hollywood actor, (and just for the sake of argument, let's call him Christian Bale) who while on the set of his upcoming, soon-to-be blockbuster, oh I dunno, franchise-revitalizing, summer-whiz-bang-golly-wow action movie runs into a bit of trouble at the workplace. And let's say that said actor maybe handles himself in a less than becoming manner and, I dunno, lets fly several squadron of fully loaded expletiveson a bombing run mission wherein the stated objective ends with the word "oblivion."

For starters, I don't presume to know exactly what happened on that hypothetical set that caused this hypothetical actor to fly off the hypothetical handle. So to be fair, I'm not going to address the circumstances leading up to the event but merely where the audio recording begins if there were indeed such a thing.

You're in my Light!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay,let's say that at the beginning of the audio recording of our hypothetical incident we join our actor already in a long-winded rant regarding a key crew member's incessant fidgeting behind a hypothetical camera during a given scene. Again, we're unaware of the total context of the scenario, but let's reduce it to the crux of the argument.

We can essentially gather two things:

1. A crew member is being very distracting.
2. An actor is very distracted by it-- even to the point of becoming a distraction himself.

The scenario is very simple and could've been diffused by a simple request. "Sir! I say, good sir! Can you please stop toying with the lighting? It's distracting and these robots won't kill themselves, you know." To which the crew member causing the distraction should've replied, "Not a problem. Can't have robots running amok, can we?" and ceased whatever he was doing to cause the grievance. Simple, no?

But let's say that this first exchange has already taken place, and that the actor is now quite perturbed. This is where anger management comes into play.

You Won't Like Me When I'm Angry

I think it prudent to first go back to the Golden Rule for guidance: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It's simple, it's timeless and double points for the use of "unto." When dealing with other people, this should always be the standard to which you aspire. Unless you're an acolyte of George Bernard Shaw who once chided, "Do not do unto others as you would expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same," in which case my suggestion is first "grow up," and then treat others the way you would want to be treated.

The first thing that can be done when one finds oneself getting angry is take a deep breath and try to get away from the situation causing the stress. As strange as it may look to leave a roomwithout speaking to anyone, it looks less strange than losing it completely in front of a group of people -- especially when the confrontation is between you and just one other person. Also, as the hypothetical record shows, no matter how factually "correct" you may be during your freakout, you will always be wrong in the eyes of everyone watching. There's not much joy in a Pyrrhic victory when the only casualty is oneself.

Also, and this probably goes without saying, one should never use the power of position in conjunction with anger to intimidate or influence the behavior of others. That goes for bosses, parents, managers, etc. Respect is always much more powerful than fear. Flying off the handle generates fear while self-control builds untold amounts of respect.

Being Important Means Never Having to Say, "I'm Sorry"

It certainly seems a popular notion that being a person of esteem precludes one's need to apologize for wrongdoing. We see it daily in every walk of life, but rank has little bearing on how each of us should coexist with those around us. Ego and anger do not always go hand-in-hand, but ego can be one of the most destructive mantles that an individual can carry.

What we need to remember is that when our temper gets the best of us, after the dust settles we need to go back to the person that we've offended and make reparations for our behavior. Frequently, ego can get in the way of that important step, which I refer to as eating a big old pile of crow. And in case there's any confusion, crow tastes nothing like ice cream.

Humility is good for the spirit, as it shows that you have a depth of understanding and compassion for those around you. Sometimes this can be taught, but oftentimes it must be learned, so when you slip up, volunteer for that lesson. It proves maturity and will do you a world of good.

Use Anger for Good and Not for Evil

Please know that I am in no way saying that anger is wrong -- it can be very healthy. Anger is an important part of the human experience. If people around us didn't run hot and cold from time to time, we'd have little measure by which to gauge our own behavior. However, we do need to pay careful attention to the way we express our anger because, as in the case of our hypothetical actor friend, that is where we can get into trouble.

I hope this has been a helpful episode of the Modern Manners Guy. If you or someone you know has severe problems with anger management, there are organizations that do offer help. As we do not endorse any program over any other, please do a Web search for an anger management program that seems right for you or your loved one.

I mentioned a free audiobook from Audible earlier, and here is how you can get yours: visit audiblepodcast.com/manners. When you sign up, you'll get a free audiobook! Audible has over 50,000 titles like "Emily Post: Daughter of the Gilded Age, Mistress of American Manners" by Laura Claridge and "Excuse Me, But I Was Next: How to Handle the Top 100 Manners Dilemmas" by Peggie Post. You can download and play back these recordings anywhere. So go to audiblepodcast.com/manners to get your free audio book when you sign up today.

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<To someone off set. > I said Black Coffee!!!! What don't you understand?

And thanks to Colin Smith of The MannersCast for guest writing this episode. You can find out more about the guys at The MannersCast by visiting mannerscast.com.

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