Thank you for listening to The Modern Manners Guy's Quick and Dirty Tips for a More Polite Life. I'm Trent-- your Modern Manners Guy, and I recently received an email from a friend of the podcast who is having neighbor trouble.
Dealing with Noisy Neighbors
Now, this is what our distraught friend had to say:
Dear Modern Manners Guy,
About once a month, the couple in the unit above me have a very loud argument. There is screaming and stomping. It is usually at 3 in the morning right above the air vent to our bedroom. If it were a baby crying, I would let it go; if it were simply music being played too loud, I would knock on their door and ask them to turn it down. In this situation, I feel that regardless of their level of anger with each other, they are not infants and should be more considerate; on the other hand, I do not think it will help the situation to interrupt them mid-fight with a request to hurl insults in a softer tone or move their conversation to another part of their apartment. What are some ways to politely address this problem?
Dear listener, your neighbor situation isn't uncommon, but it is certainly disconcerting. Your issue involves emotions so I encourage you to be delicate when dealing with this.
Bring It to Your Noisy Neighbor’s Attention
The question for this episode deals with noise caused by fighting, but my advice will also work for all kinds of loud noises that disturb you, such as loud music or loud barking.
Okay, back to the noisy fighting neighbors. If you feel comfortable knocking on your neighbor’s door during a non-fighting moment, introduce yourself and politely mention that you can hear them in the middle of the night and that it is waking you up. They may not know they are being heard, and this might help them calm it down a little. However, people that are prone to yelling in anger are often immature and not in control of themselves. They may also be selfish and therefore might not take your concerns into consideration at all. Keep a level head when talking with your neighbor. The last thing you need is a set of neighbors complaining about how you keep bugging them.
Also, should the discussion with your noisy neighbor become threatening make a hasty retreat. Your safety is more important than a little yelling.
A very important side note here would be that getting to know your neighbors in the first place is usually wise. You don't have to be best friends, but developing a casual relationship will make situations like this a little more palatable for your neighbor when you need to approach them about the noise. Plus, neighbors have been known to get folks out of all kinds of difficult situations.
Bring Your Noisy Neighbors to The Landlord's Attention
Showing your neighbor the renter's agreement where it mentions keeping the noise level down will probably get you a black eye. So a trip to the landlord might be in order as he or she already knows that part of the agreement. Talk to your landlord in an even voice. Explain your situation and that you are being greatly disturbed. Hopefully, the landlord will address the issue with your neighbors and you will notice a drop in the noise level. You might also check with your other neighbors to see if anyone else can hear the commotion and would be willing to lodge complaints as well. Several complainants can divert the focus from any one of you.
What do Residential Leases Say About Noise Level?
Legal Lad let me know that residential leases usually require landlords to provide quiet enjoyment as well as habitability. Conceivably if the landlord is made aware of problems and doesn't address them, you can argue that he's in breach of the lease, entitling you to cancel your lease. But you should consult a lawyer before trying this -- litigation is difficult and in such cases turns into a he-said she-said battle. (Thank you, Legal Lad.)
When Should You Call the Police About Your Noisy Neighbors?
If you suspect the argument you hear is violent, you should call the police. Do not try to take matters into your own hands as your neighbor could suddenly turn the tables and complain to the police about you. You also don’t want to put yourself in harm’s way. The police should respect your wishes to remain anonymous.
In all of your dealings with the offenders, the building management, and the police, be completely humble and gentle. But if the manager doesn't take you seriously, you should make an effort to legally get out of your contract and find a place that is a little quieter.
Administrative
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