The Holiday Party 2, Guest of a Guest

Hi, everyone, Modern Manners Guy here.

This week we'll be answering an email from Nobody.

Nobody writes, "Dear MMG, I have been invited to a holiday office party by a friend/girlfriend or boyfriend/spouse, and I'm not exactly sure how to spend an evening hobnobbing as a guest of a guest with people I don't really know. What say you?"

I'd like to thank Nobody for asking. It was getting a little lonely here in the echo chamber, and I'm glad you didn't take the time to write in and ask such a great question. 

The role of the guest of a guest can at times be a complicated one and in just a few moments, we'll take a look at some things you need to know to be the guest of a guest that bests the rest of the guests (but not the person who invited you).

 Now, believe me, I understand the stress of being a guest of a guest. For starters, the sheer litany of situations that you may walk into can be rather daunting. What if the person who invited you is a wallflower at the office, and you find that your date relegates you both to a corner watching everyone else have fun as the clock stands still? What if your date is the office's social butterfly, and you find yourself relegated to a corner by yourself watching your date have fun while the clock laughs in your face? These are both very real possibilities, but today I'm going to offer you some tips to help best acquit yourself to any scenario... however uncomfortable.

The first thing that it is important to remember is that you, as a guest of a guest, are an ambassador for your date. You should always be on your best behavior-- a respectable envoy. On the Monday following the party, you should hear nothing but reports of how much everyone loves you.

As we discussed in our previous episode, as embarrassing as it may be to have to explain how it was the full moon that caused you to dance on the table with a lampshade on your head, it can be even more embarrassing having to explain it to a date who invited you to the party-- and then for extra shame, ask your date how he explained it to his fellow employees on Monday.

Seems Simple Enough. Now All I Need To Know Is "How Do I Do That?"

For the question of attire, be sure to ask your date what he or she is wearing and dress appropriately. If you fear that your date may be under dressing for his own party just be classy. A sharp classic look is always stunning and never goes out of style. Plus, as that trusted ambassador, while his own sense of style may be lacking, your date will be viewed as having good taste by proxy-- [in a gangster wiseguy voice] "Man, that guy sure don't look the part, but that date of his is something else!" they'll say.

Small talk can make or break an otherwise successful envoy. You have to have a well tuned radar for the difference between boredom and interest and exercise it vigorously. It is always better to cut a conversation short -- ending it graciously, not abruptly -- than to prattle on about whatever it is that I can't remember you were talking about anyway. Additionally, know your audience. If the situation calls for a little more Homer and a little less Homer Simpson, make adjustments appropriately. If you're mingling in a group and you find yourself out of your depth, find an opportunity to excuse yourself (restroom break!) and by the time you return, the conversation may have moved on to another topic. Alternatively, keep quiet though attentive and maybe you'll learn something new and give the impression that you were merely agreeing all along.

For most other situations during the evening, it is probably safest to follow your date's lead. After all, this is his or her party.

Fine and Good If You Know Your Date, but I've Barely Even Met This Guy!

If you find yourself in a situation -- bless your heart -- where you are the guest of a mere acquaintance, remember to follow the rules above but keep a few additional things in mind:

Be prepared. Bring enough cash to meet your basic needs for the evening, primarily food, and transportation. Should you require either of these, you will thank your wisdom in bringing them. As for transportation, if you are not entirely comfortable using one car for your transportation, consider meeting your date at the venue. YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO CAREFUL -- and this goes for both sexes.

Remember that you do not owe your date anything. If he or she is gracious and kind, return the gesture to the best of your ability. If your date is a romantic interest, well, you don't really need my help ...  but, if your date is less than well-mannered, be polite, but know that your ambassadorship is null and void -- just do what you can to make it through the night safely and with your dignity. If your date is any worse than that, and they sometimes are, excuse yourself and exercise that cab fare.

Gosh, MMG, That Was a Downer!

Sorry if that serious last section seemed a little too serious, but it is a serious matter to be taken seriously, seriously. There, did that sufficiently lighten the mood?

A Little, but I Thought This Was a Party. I Already Have a Job!

In all seriou... um, sincerity, Holiday parties can be a lot of work, but they should also be a lot of fun. Most of the things I've mentioned above can be worked out before the party even begins and the remaining items can be kept in the back of the mind and ensure that you are the "guest of a guest that bests the rest of the guests (but not the person who invited you)". The other party attendees and, especially, your date will have fond memories of you and not your table dance.

Administrative

Thanks for listening to The Modern Manners Guy's Quick and Dirty Tips for a More Polite Life. And thanks to Colin Smith of The MannersCast for guest-writing this episode. You can hear more from Colin and the guys of The MannersCast at mannerscast.com.  

Transcripts of this show can be found at manners.quickanddirtytips.com. Any comments or questions can be sent to manners@quickanddirtytips.com or feel free to leave a voicemail at 206-666-4MRM.

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