Hi everyone, Modern Manners Guy here with another episode of the um, Modern ... Manners ... Guy.

I want you to think really hard for a second about your circle of friends, acquaintances or those in your work environment and see if you can conjure the image of That Guy. You know who I'm talking about. I'm talking about the individual who clearly has no sense of self awareness; that fella that climbs up on the turnbuckle of your last nerve before body slamming you into your own irrational fit of frustration. Heck, That Guy doesn't have to be a guy at all -- That Guy can be a girl, but she's still, That Guy. Someone who actively, despite their best effort, makes you actually wish you were a worse person so you could tell them off and not feel guilty about it. The person that makes you feel embarrassed in a crowded restaurant, the person who interrupts you while you're trying to work (paging Christian Bale's DP), the person who constantly arranges for you to do things with them even though you've expressed no desire and have turned them down repeatedly ... that's That Guy. Ooooooh we hate That Guy ! The problem with That Guy is that there's usually nothing wrong with him. In fact, That Guy is usually a really likable, well-intentioned person -- which only serves to make us that much more annoyed with them. Don't get me wrong, there is definitely a sub-species of That Guy that is not made up of nice people, but today we're going to talk about the mostly harmless, friendly variety.

Now, if through my ranting, you were unable to identify a That Guy in your life, I may have some tough news for you and maybe you should sit down ... Go ahead.   While you do that, a word from our sponsor. 

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Tough Piece of Gristle

Okay, I don't know how to say this so I'm just gonna say it ... If you don't have a That Guy in your life, there is an outside chance that you may be a TG. I know what you're thinking, "No way! People love me! ... Wait, right? People love me, right?" Certainly, you know that your Modern Manners Guy is only joking with you ... mostly. Of course people love you ... just not all people. The truth is, each of us is That Guy to somebody -- except for me of course, everyone likes me -- just ask my mom.

FACT: There will always be someone out there who can't stand you for whatever reason, and often it may be because you're just trying too hard to be liked or trying too hard to be helpful or trying too hard to do a good job.

Quit trying so hard.

We -- sorry, You -- as a potential That Guy just have to be aware of when you've gone past being helpful or funny or friendly and leapt clear into annoying.

It's great to be helpful. People generally like helpful people. People do not like people who are too helpful. There is a line and one should learn to distinguish it. Think of being helpful in the same terms that one thinks of offering to “spot” another person at the gym. Let the other person do most of the work when they are lifting the weight, but be there to support and encourage and occasionally take some of the load off. Don't just snatch the weight off because when that happens, no one gets what they are expecting.

We all have tendencies, behaviors or outright performances that are irritating to other people. I may be wrong, but I think one of the best things that a person can do is learn to recognize a fake laugh when you hear one -- believe me, you can only get so much fake laughter from a pack of Hell's Angels before it's your bacon. It's been a long time, but I'll see if I can paraphrase the lesson taught by the father in the children’s book, Bedtime for Frances. I believe it went something like, "The first time is funny, the second time is annoying and the third time is a spanking." These, my friends, are words to live by.

Also, believe it or not, it is possible to be too friendly. I think a general rule to be observed is to only be as friendly as is reciprocated to you. You cannot force someone to be your friend -- and excessive kindness can be annoying because the person to whom you're being kind can feel that they now owe you, which isn't a good start to a friendship. I only know of a few friendships that began as resentment. I certainly don't mean that you should never go out on a limb and try to befriend people; you just need to be aware of how that person is receiving you.

It's Not You, It's Us

It's easy to blame That Guy for being some kind of twisted freak of nature who is creating his own trouble and deserves exactly what he gets. That is really easy ... and fun! But if we really do believe that, then what is that nagging pang of guilt we feel every time this person gets on our nerves?

The real problem is that we're both at fault. Make no mistake, the person being annoying is indeed being annoying -- no contesting that -- but the question we all need to ask ourselves is, "am I doing my best to understand where this person is coming from?"

Once we take some time and try to put ourselves in that person's place, maybe we'll be able to understand the situation a little better and not become so terribly annoyed.

Thanks for That, Dr. Phil, Now You're Getting on My Nerves

Okay, so now that we've become one with ourselves, the big question is, "How do I make this guy stop!?"

Well, as we learned a few weeks back, quoting from your favorite celebrity tirade will do the trick, but it really does a lot more damage than it does problem solving, so I'd shy away from that.

I think the best thing to do with people who are annoying you (and aren't going anywhere), is to meet them in the middle. Make a sincere effort to find the best in this person. Remember that, in some cases, people that we find personally annoying find us personally interesting, so feel free to talk about yourself, maybe seek a common interest and start there. Maybe you will grow to like this person more than you thought you ever would aaaannnnnddd maybe you won't but at least you'll have found something to appreciate in this person that will take some of the sting off. Or maybe -- just maybe -- you will realize that you're That Guy and take the appropriate steps to move out of that role.

Whatever happens, we should all remember that we're in this together. If we can do that, we just might learn to stay off each other's nerves.

Administrative

Thanks for listening to another episode of The Modern Manners Guy's Quick and Dirty Tips for a More Polite Life. I hope you've found it helpful, but not too helpful.

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Thanks to Colin Smith of The MannersCast for guest writing this episode. Find out more about Colin and the guys of The MannersCast by visiting http://www.mannerscast.com. 

For a transcript of this podcast, visit manners.quickanddirtytips.com. Please send your questions or comments to manners@quickanddirtytips.com or leave a voicemail at 206-666-4MRM.