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Episode Transcript

American Dining Etiquette Vs. European Dining Etiquette
Episode 98: Monday, October 05, 2009

Hi! Modern Manners Guy here with a look at an email from Jennifer, a friend to the podcast. Jennifer recently had a disagreement with her mother about how to eat with a fork and knife. I saw this as a slightly bigger issue and we'll take a look at my response right after a word about our very generous sponsor.

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What is the Proper Way to Use a Knife and Fork?

Now let's hear what Listener Jennifer had to say:

Dear Modern Manners Guy,

My mother was raised with the traditional American style, cutting food with the knife in the right hand, fork in the left, and switching the fork back to the right before taking a bite. I prefer the more efficient method of keeping the fork in the left, which is the European style.

Is it so inappropriate to use the European style etiquette in America?

That is a very interesting question, Jennifer. Personally, I would not judge you for eating that way. I'm secretly trying to learn it myself. Don't tell anyone!

What is Proper Dining Etiquette?

I think there are two things you should consider in this situation. The first is that you might just examine your surroundings and see if you think it looks like the kind of stuffy place that would frown upon your European style of dining.

Many thumb their noses at proper dining etiquette and barrel forward with whatever suits them, but that is not polite. Some people disregard certain rules of dining etiquette because they feel, say, wearing a jacket to dinner is just not them. Of course that act of rebellion may just result in this person wearing an ill-fitting, borrowed coat during the meal. Dear Listener, you're not betraying your identity by altering your eating habits. You are showing a refreshing respect for the traditions of others.

It Doesn’t Hurt to Have Good Manners

The next thing you should do is consider your mother. If it's not a terribly big deal, eat in the traditional American style for that meal since you are already well versed in it. You may find that the change of pace will slow things down for you, and that change might allow you to enjoy your meal and the company even more. Oh, and you will certainly please your mother, which is always a desired effect.

Again, you shouldn't worry about whether you are giving in to the Ma'am. If you're eating with your mother and her friends at their local bistro, you will impress those around you and completely please your mother by politely eating how everyone else is eating.

When Can You Use European Dining Manners?

Now, keep in mind that I don't want you to be a sheep, though. If you find that the restaurant or dining situation is casual and relaxed , you might pull your European Eating Trick out of your magic bag. Make it a fun little lesson in international cultures and speak with a French accent while you compliment everyone's technique.

Of course, this should not be a way to pull a fast one over on your mother. It's not terribly mannerly to make a point at your mother's expense--or anyone else's for that matter. This should be an opportunity for you to show how well your mother raised you--even if that means saving your European style dining manners for another time.

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Comments (6) for American Dining Etiquette Vs. European Dining Etiquette | Subscribe to Comment

Gordon Petitt Says:
11/5/2009 4:58:33 PM

Dear Modern Manners Guy, Regarding the American vs European styles of eating: it was once common in England to hear Americans referred to as "fork Switchers."

Serina Wulf Says:
10/22/2009 7:56:25 AM

I don't have a comment. But I do have a question maybe someone can answer for me. My boyfriend and my mom argue about this all the time. Should he take his hat off at the table when we sit down to eat? And does my mom have to? I would love to know as I am stuck in the middle. I was raised that the man takes his hat off.

Noel Says:
10/8/2009 3:54:28 PM

Although I would imagine in some dining situations "European" vs. "American" style would raise eyebrows, I think in most situations the choice between the two wouldn't matter. Free hands above the table vs. below the table is another difference between cultures that could be important. I appreciate MMG's humor about talking in a French accent while demonstrating the "European style". Regardless, as I've learned from the MMG podcast, it is probably best not to talk about your dining style choice if it might make others at the table uncomfortable. If others bring it up, it can be an interesting and informative discussion as long as it doesn't offend.

Stephen Says:
10/7/2009 2:40:13 PM

I'm from Britain so I eat in the "European style" although I just call that "using a knife and fork" and I was generally stunned to hear that you should affect a French accent and talk about how everyone else is eating their food. Is that polite in America?

Kaas Baichtal Says:
10/6/2009 12:46:24 PM

I figure a person can eat however they want if it's the kind of environment where nobody will notice or care. If it's a place where it matters, then do how the locals do it.

Ashley Says:
10/5/2009 7:38:02 AM

I was surprised to hear you didn't address someone's "handness." I'm a lefty, so I eat with my left hand like the listener. Would this change your response to her?