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Modern Manners Guy host Trent Armstrong grew up in the southern United States where manners were an everyday part of life. However, he noticed that through the years it seemed manners were taking a back seat to the whims of a selfish society. Trent thought it was about time that America and the world were reintroduced to manners and he promises to help us all improve our manners until we're all living a more polite life -- or until the Internet shuts down.

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American Dining Etiquette Vs. European Dining Etiquette

Episode 98: October 5, 2009
General | Dining | Out and About

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by Trent Armstrong

Hi! Modern Manners Guy here with a look at an email from Jennifer. Jennifer recently had a disagreement with her mother about how to eat with a fork and knife. I saw this as a slightly bigger issue.

What is the Proper Way to Use a Knife and Fork?

Now let's hear what Listener Jennifer had to say:

Dear Modern Manners Guy,

My mother was raised with the traditional American style, cutting food with the knife in the right hand, fork in the left, and switching the fork back to the right before taking a bite. I prefer the more efficient method of keeping the fork in the left, which is the European style.

Is it so inappropriate to use the European style etiquette in America?

That is a very interesting question, Jennifer. Personally, I would not judge you for eating that way. I'm secretly trying to learn it myself. Don't tell anyone!

What is Proper Dining Etiquette?

I think there are two things you should consider in this situation. The first is that you might just examine your surroundings and see if you think it looks like the kind of stuffy place that would frown upon your European style of dining.

Many thumb their noses at proper dining etiquette and barrel forward with whatever suits them, but that is not polite.
Thumbing your nose at proper dining etiquette and barreling forward with whatever suits you is not polite.
Some people disregard certain rules of dining etiquette because they feel, say, wearing a jacket to dinner is just not them. Of course that act of rebellion may just result in this person wearing an ill-fitting, borrowed coat during the meal. Dear Reader, you're not betraying your identity by altering your eating habits. You are showing a refreshing respect for the traditions of others.

It Doesn’t Hurt to Have Good Manners

The next thing you should do is consider your mother. If it's not a terribly big deal, eat in the traditional American style for that meal since you are already well versed in it. You may find that the change of pace will slow things down for you, and that change might allow you to enjoy your meal and the company even more. Oh, and you will certainly please your mother, which is always a desired effect.

Again, you shouldn't worry about whether you are giving in to the Ma'am. If you're eating with your mother and her friends at their local bistro, you will impress those around you and completely please your mother by politely eating how everyone else is eating.

When Can You Use European Dining Manners?

Now, keep in mind that I don't want you to be a sheep, though. If you find that the restaurant or dining situation is casual and relaxed , you might pull your European Eating Trick out of your magic bag. Make it a fun little lesson in international cultures and speak with a French accent while you compliment everyone's technique.

Of course, this should not be a way to pull a fast one over on your mother. It's not terribly mannerly to make a point at your mother's expense--or anyone else's for that matter. This should be an opportunity for you to show how well your mother raised you--even if that means saving your European style dining manners for another time.

Administration

Thanks for reading this episode of The Modern Manners Guy's Quick and Dirty Tips for a More Polite Life.

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Comments for American Dining Etiquette Vs. European Dining Etiquette

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Maureen
1/20/2010 5:05:06 PM

I realize this comment is late in the game, but I have to say I'm with Ashley.

As a lefty, I guess I've unwittingly followed the European style of eating all my life. Is it rude to do this? Some times I bump elbows with the person sitting next to me at dinner, although I try to sit myself in a place where my left-handedness won't distrupt the right-handers around me.

Giada
1/10/2010 12:21:06 PM

The American habit of switching forks would most likely be taken as bad manners here in Europe.

April
1/8/2010 3:55:54 PM

I would have to disagree with Mr. Manners.

European style is not frowned upon in "stuffy" places, in fact it is preferred.

Europe is the center of culture. We learn about wines, etiquette, manners etc. from them then, why would we disregard their manner of using the dinner utensials?

Besides, switching the fork back and forth is distracting. European style is more pleasing to the eye and demonstrates sophistication.

Marianne
12/25/2009 9:56:53 AM

Ha, how very interesting this topic is handled.
I am a 75 year old German lady and when I was taught how to eat with knife and fork, the rules were:
Eat only with the knife in the right hand, if there is something to cut.
If not, than have fork in right hand and leave left hand resting on the table.
Now, personally I adopted the French example and put a piece of bread in my left hand to make it easier for the remaining food on the plate to push on the fork.
Oh, and by the way, I also had to keep my elbows close to my body. It was taught by having a magazine under each arm, to learn the position. And never move your mouth over the plate.

And than there is this very important topic of how to eat the bread and butter with your meal. But that is another chapter I assume.

Manners Lady
12/14/2009 6:39:57 PM

If you use the Continental method of using keeping your fork in your left hand, is it necessary to eat your entire meal in the Continental method or can you switch between American (say, for peas or desert) and the Continental (for meat and potatoes). And what about the other pieces of manners for dining in the continental method such as keeping both wrists on the table the entire time? I've always thought you have to choose one or the other.........

Tru
12/12/2009 1:01:05 AM

Strange that you treat the so-called european style as some kind of affectation.

Also, many countries/cultures outside of Europe eat with their 'knife and fork' as Stephen points out :-)

Horst
12/11/2009 6:14:17 AM

Honestly, I would ask that people show the minimal respect necessary not to interfere with my accustomed manner of moving my food between my plate and my mouth. THAT would be manners, and that is the answer Mr. Manners should have given.

Patricia Ann Myers
12/8/2009 5:58:41 PM

Please, please, please, you men, take your hat off in the house, in restaurants, in church. What are you thinking????

Gordon Petitt
11/5/2009 4:58:33 PM

Dear Modern Manners Guy,
Regarding the American vs European styles of eating: it was once common in England to hear Americans referred to as "fork Switchers."

Serina Wulf
10/22/2009 7:56:25 AM

I don't have a comment. But I do have a question maybe someone can answer for me. My boyfriend and my mom argue about this all the time. Should he take his hat off at the table when we sit down to eat? And does my mom have to? I would love to know as I am stuck in the middle. I was raised that the man takes his hat off.

Noel
10/8/2009 3:54:28 PM

Although I would imagine in some dining situations "European" vs. "American" style would raise eyebrows, I think in most situations the choice between the two wouldn't matter. Free hands above the table vs. below the table is another difference between cultures that could be important.

I appreciate MMG's humor about talking in a French accent while demonstrating the "European style". Regardless, as I've learned from the MMG podcast, it is probably best not to talk about your dining style choice if it might make others at the table uncomfortable. If others bring it up, it can be an interesting and informative discussion as long as it doesn't offend.

Stephen
10/7/2009 2:40:13 PM

I'm from Britain so I eat in the "European style" although I just call that "using a knife and fork" and I was generally stunned to hear that you should affect a French accent and talk about how everyone else is eating their food. Is that polite in America?

Kaas Baichtal
10/6/2009 12:46:24 PM

I figure a person can eat however they want if it's the kind of environment where nobody will notice or care. If it's a place where it matters, then do how the locals do it.

Ashley
10/5/2009 7:38:02 AM

I was surprised to hear you didn't address someone's "handness." I'm a lefty, so I eat with my left hand like the listener. Would this change your response to her?

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