Good morning, dear friends, compatriots, paisanos, amicos. I'm the Modern Manners Guy and today we're going to tackle a reader e-mail posing the pressing question: How does one go about being an appropriate international houseguest?
In a moment, we'll visit the most appropriate way to avoid making an utter nuisance of ourselves while visiting people abroad, but first, a word from our kind sponsor!
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Now, let's hit the mailbag! ... Okay, where did I put my mailbag? Oh right, it’s the e-mail bag!
Today, listener Pam writes:
Soon I'll be traveling to Italy to visit my boyfriend. I'll be staying with his family for over a week, so I'd like to show my appreciation for their generosity and I don't want to be a burden on them. I'm also working with a college student's budget so I'm unsure about what to bring for my hosts. Do you have any tips about being a houseguest or traveling abroad that could make my visit smoother? It's hard enough to meet the parents when everyone speaks the same language, so I'm very nervous about doing this in Italian! Any help would be great!
How to Be a Good Houseguest
Well, Pam the sheer fact that you're even concerned about being a good houseguest means you're off to a great start. You'd be surprised how rarely people visit the homes of others with the intent of leaving as small a footprint as possible. Now, let's look at your specific concerns with a little more focus, shall we?
Use Good International Etiquette
I think the most important thing that any international traveler can do is remember that they are a visitor in whatever country they are traveling to. As a visitor, you are an ambassador of your country and it is your duty to represent it well.
Mind your manners, don't forget your "please" and "thank yous", try to follow the lead of a trusted friend, and don't be afraid to ask intelligent questions. It's especially endearing if you make an effort beforehand to learn about the customs and idioms of the culture you will be infiltrating.
True, these are simple tips, but the easiest way to be adaptable is to actually want to adapt. Put in the effort and you'll find yourself rewarded.
What is a Good Hostess Gift?
One of your concerns was about bringing an appropriate gift. Well, you certainly have a few challenges to overcome since you're visiting another country, meeting the fam for the first time, and on a tight budget!
One word. Bacon. Like, American bacon. Who doesn't love bacon? Seriously. But if bacon feels a little too informal, perhaps you should try asking your boyfriend for his input on what might be a nice gift for his parents. Does his mother love a particular type of flower? Are his family members big roller derby fans? Are you creative? Can you whip up a photo album, just like that? I've rarely seen a person get disappointed when receiving a gift well inline with their interests.
Another direction might be bringing a bit of your local flavor. It doesn't matter where you live or go to school. There is always something about your region that is unique and may not be too expensive. Locally hand-crafted items can be a hit if you're traveling to another part of the world. Also, small, sealed containers of local food like syrup, fruit, or cookie dough might be VERY appreciated by your hosts. However, you will need to call the airline to check on any restrictions.
Remember, the best gifts aren't the most expensive ones; they're the ones with the most heart.
Golden Rule Alert!!!
As for staying as a guest at someone's house, it is important to remember another cliche: the Golden Rule. "Do unto others..." Please treat their house how you would like them to treat your house. Offer to pitch in with things like cooking, setting the table, cleaning, and other chores. You will probably run into something that is completely new to you--that will be the exciting part for you and your hosts.
You may find that your hosts insist that you not help. If that is the case, you might politely assure them that you want to be more than just a guest. However, do not force the point. Just make yourself available and follow the family's lead with how things are done. If everyone has a chore but you, don't wander off. Stick around and make conversation with the family. The more you make yourself available, the more comfortable everyone will be with including you in their activities.
The Manners of an Exit Strategy
On the outside chance that the stay isn't going well, consider moving into a hotel under the auspices of allergies or some other polite reason to excuse yourself from a trying situation. I'm sure if things are bad enough the host won't believe you anyway, but hey, at least you'll have tried.
Being a guest in someone's home really shouldn't be cause for alarm. Supposing that your hosts are reasonable people, there is no reason to panic. Be sure to be on your best behavior, mind your hosts' wishes, and most of all, relax and enjoy yourself. This is supposed to be fun, remember?
Administration
Thanks for listening to this episode of The Modern Manners Guy's Quick and Dirty Tips for a More Polite Life. Be sure to try GoToMeeting today FREE for 30 days. Just visit GoToMeeting.com/podcast. That’s GoToMeeting.com/podcast. Do more and travel less with Go To Meeting.
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