Hello, and welcome to the Modern Manners Guy’s Quick and Dirty Tips for a More Polite Life.
We’ll continue today with the second of a two part series on hosting a dinner party.
So you’ve done all of your preparations and the guests are soon to arrive. Make some room in the coat closet or plan where you will put your guests’ coats, purses, etc. We did an earlier episode on what time to arrive if you are a guest, and we’ll put a link to that show in the transcript.
Welcome and Cocktail Hour
When your guests arrive, welcome them and offer to take coats, purses or any other personal items. You should offer your guests something to drink, and guide your guests to the hors d'oeuvres if they are not being passed. You will probably want to have an hour or so for drinks and conversation before dinner, so make sure your timing with the meal is good. It is important to have someone acting as a host who can entertain your guests if last minute preparations are needed in the kitchen. Of course with more casual parties, guests often end up in the kitchen, but don’t feel bad about encouraging your guests to sit and chat in another room, as long as there is someone from the hosting party to be with them. Open floor plans in modern houses may make this a little easier, as you may be able to have your guests out of the kitchen but still within conversational distance. If you are getting ready to serve, and you are still missing some guests you might consider extending the cocktail hour a little longer.
Seating at the Table
If you have guests that have had to cancel at the last minute for some reason, remove the extra place settings from the table, so no one is isolated or next to an empty spot. As host, you may decide where your guests are to sit, or you may let your guests decide themselves. You may have some general ideas of how you’d like to mix couples, or put people together you think would have a particularly good social chemistry. Whatever your choice, you should advise your guests before they are seated. The hosts traditionally sit at the head or ends of the table, but this is not an absolute requirement for a casual dinner. You should advise your guests where you plan to sit, as you will want to have quick and easy access to the kitchen or sideboards and may have to get up and down a few times.
Serving the Meal
Make sure that everyone has wine or the beverage of their choice and have water ready as well. It’s nice to make a little toast, even to just say “cheers” and welcome your guests at the start of a meal. You, as the host, should decide what wine to serve; if guests bring you wine as a gift, you are under no obligation to open it unless you have requested it specifically, although you may if you like.
You may choose to serve a plated meal, or serve food on platters to allow guests to take their own portions. Make sure that all platters have serving utensils so guests do not need to use their own. You should have salt and pepper (preferably fresh ground) on the table. With the exception of wine and possibly a nice bottle of sparkling water, you should not have any commercial containers on the table. If you need to serve something from a jar or package, put it into a small serving dish before offering it to your guests.
In terms of courses, as we mentioned last week, you can be as elaborate or as simple as you like. There is nothing wrong with a simple one-plate home-cooked meal, and a multi-course affair with wine pairings also has its place. However elaborate the meal, make sure that it is planned and prepared enough so you can still be relaxed and have time to spend with your guests.
Clearing Dishes
As the host, you should clear dishes and allow your guests to sit and relax. Wait until the last person is finished eating before you clear. If it is a casual dinner and you have good friends who absolutely insist on helping, you may decide to let them. Do not stack dishes at the table, but rather take plates away only as many at a time as you can manage without stacking. Clear off as much as possible before serving the next course.
Coffee and Dessert
You should have coffee and tea available for your guests (and it’s nice to have a decaffeinated option as well). Hopefully you will have had a chance to set up your coffee maker in advance, so you only need to switch on the button. Sometimes it is nice to serve cheese and fruit after the meal, rather than have it with drinks. As with the complexity of the meal in general, you may choose to have something elaborate or simple for dessert, but try to avoid packaged cookies and the like. It is fine to pick something up from a good, local bakery if you don’t have time to prepare it yourself.
After Dinner
You may offer some after dinner drinks or digestifs after the meal, and you may return to the living room for some after dinner conversation. Usually, evenings have a way of ending on their own, and as a host you generally don’t want to usher your guests out the door. If you do encounter a guest who simply will not depart and the hour is getting very late, you might start to drop a few subtle hints, like commenting on the evening and saying how nice it was to have him or her there. If the hint does not work and it is getting terribly late, you may have to be a bit more direct. You might say something like, “Richard, it has been so lovely seeing you, but I’m afraid that I’m fading a bit and have an early start in the morning.” Remember to retrieve your guests’ belongings, and always escort them to the door to say goodnight and thank them for coming.
So here’s hoping you have many wonderful evening with close family and friends, and thank you for listening to quick and dirty tips for a more polite life.
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