Not much can light someone's fuse faster than someone else getting in their way. It doesn't matter if you are standing, ambling, or even trying to figure out where you're going in your car. If you get in someone's path, you are likely to be bumped, glared at, or even honked at. Although you certainly can't prevent this situation every time, there are some general practices that will keep everyone moving with the flow which will, in turn, keep tempers down.

Having Good Manners Means Putting, Others First

I've said it before. You should just get ready because I'm going to say it again and again. The world isn't all about you, or me for that matter. Manners are the realization of that statement. Manners are about putting others first; there are little things you can do that can brighten someone's day and these little things are often so inconspicuous that folks don't even realize you put them first.

And if there were a pile of mannerly things to do, moving out of the way would be right up on top of that pile. I feel we should take a look at some examples.

Jamming Up the Jetway

Anyone who has ever flown on an airplane can attest to the strong desire to be off the airplane. Once the airplane lands, the laws of dispersion begin to needle us. We want to exit quickly so we can stretch a little and move away from people-- get a little space. Tempers will quickly rise if an individual or group that has just exited decides to stop right in front of the jetway to synchronize watches or check schedules. I will liken this to stopping for a chat in front of the barrel of a cannon. Both are decidedly bad ideas.

It is very simple to move to the side. Just make it common practice to walk away from any doorway and stand out of the way. It only takes seconds and is a good solid way to keep from getting huffed at.

Make Room in the Market

Now, I am pretty confident that most markets and stores have constructed their aisles with the intent of giving at least two parties unobstructed passage. Usually, the only thing clogging up the aisle is the party who has decided they are the only party in town. It might take a little practice, but if you consciously move yourself and your cart as far out of the way as possible, eventually it will become second nature.

A side note here: talking on your mobile phone in these situations is usually one too many tasks. That can cause your manners to suffer. If you realize you are being selfish in these situations, postpone your phone call until you are through shopping.

Being a Mannerly Driver

I'm not sure what happens when we get behind the wheel of a car. It seems that the large metal casing deceives us into a feeling of anonymity. That feeling of anonymity, or whatever it is, can make it easier to become frustrated at those around us. We tend to yell and complain because we feel like no one can hear us! 

When another driver gets in your way, I encourage you to take a deep breath and consider that your actions will affect your mood. Becoming angry, driving aggressively, and yelling at the other driver will absolutely only lead to more anger. And I'm pretty sure that it never ever once solved the situation. I'm not saying that a little horn honk won't alert the person to a recently changed green light or a potentially hazardous situation. But allowing yourself to be rude makes it that much easier to be rude.

If the situation is not dangerous but is merely frustrating, try practicing your patience. It's okay to wait a few moments for someone to figure out what they are doing and move. And you should stick up for your place in line but don't speed up to prevent every car from merging. No, that person doesn't really deserve the spot in front of you, that's why it's called grace. I am confident that having patience and grace in these circumstances will lower your blood pressure and actually make you feel like a better person.

Don't Create Driving Dilemmas

It just can't be helped some times. If you're driving in an unfamiliar location, it is inevitable that you will make a goofy decision and cause your own little traffic jam. It happens to the best of us. The typical situation is cruising along in a turn lane when you suddenly realize you need to be in THAT line of cars going straight! First of all, don't panic. I would inscribe those words in large friendly letters on your windshield if it weren't completely unsafe.

Keep in mind that most driving dilemmas can be solved with just a little more driving. These dilemmas are turned into problems for everyone else by trying to force a move that isn't really smart to begin with. If you're in the turn lane wishing you were in the lane that goes to where you are headed, take your lumps and just make the turn. Then you can get your bearings and correct your course. The selfish thing would be deciding to change lanes and stubbornly wait it out while car after car lines up behind you. You're also now trying to cut in line and every driver around you is going to suffer for your lack of manners. Again, move out of the way and regroup. Yes, it will take a few minutes longer to get to your destination, but it's also the safe and responsible thing to do.

Manners for Moving Others Out of the Way

But what do you do if you're minding your own business and someone suddenly decides to clog up your path? Again, don't panic. Becoming anxious or angry in that situation is also a manners violation.

On foot, you can approach the situation in a few different ways. It is certainly acceptable to say "excuse me" with a little volume. Make sure the other person can hear you and if you are not able to get their attention the first time, say "excuse me" again and lightly place your hand on their shoulder. That is a fairly non-threatening action and will alert the other person to your presence. With any luck, he or she will realize they are in the way and quickly move to one side. Should your point escape them, you might add, "Hi. May I squeeze through here." And always follow it up with a "thank you." It doesn't matter if that person is as rude as can be. Saying "thank you" with kindness is a great way to practice your patience and manners.

Whether you are moving your physical self out of the way or moving your ego out of the way, putting someone before yourself is at the heart of good manners.

Administration

Thanks for listening to this episode of The Modern Manners Guy's Quick and Dirty Tips for a More Polite Life.

Remember that if you have any comments or questions you may email me The Modern Manners Guy at manners@quickanddirtytips.com or leave a voicemail at 206-666-4MRM. And don't forget to become a fan of the podcast on Facebook. Drop by, join the discussions, and let us know about your manners situations. You'll find a link to my Facebook group at manners.quickanddirtytips.com.

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