People need assistance on a daily basis but many times are uncomfortable asking for help. It could be fear that hinders them or just the thought that they might be able to overcome through stick-to-it-tiveness. Today, I'll help you become someone who is not only interested in helping others but also looks willing to help just in case the opportunity arises.
Hold It!
I think I might say this about once every other minute or so, but manners are not about me expecting everyone else to follow the rules. Manners are all about making others feel important. And a great way to show someone they are important is to offer assistance, especially when they might not be expecting it. I'm not talking about guys versus girls here. Everyone needs assistance sometimes.
Let's look at some examples. We talked in an earlier episode about holding an elevator door for someone, but that should also be applied to just about any door. Always check to see if someone is approaching behind you, and if the person is within 5 or 10 steps of the door, you might hold it open for them. At the very least, hold the door as you go through so they do not have to fully open the door themselves. It might seem trivial, but this gesture is always seen as a show of good will.
Being Available
Something that can be of great assistance, especially to someone who is elderly or someone who has a child, is offering to take their grocery cart for them when they have finished loading their items into the car. An international survey I did of our local supermarket parking lot indicated that people just don't seem to have the huge amount of time is takes to return their carts to the cart corral. It's also a stress point for someone with a child to figure out how to keep the kid safe, get the stuff in the car, and get the buggy taken care of. Don't spend too much time waiting around for the opportunity to help this person, that could be seen as creepy, but if you pass by someone who looks to be at the cart dispersion phase of the ordeal, offering to take the cart can take a huge weight off that person's shoulders.
Another example--I remember coming out of a subway tunnel in New York City in search of Ground Zero a few years ago. My wife and I were trying to mentally prepare ourselves for the experience of seeing the site and just couldn't figure out which street would get us to our destination. A local gentleman noticed our confusion and quickly offered directions. What could have been pretty stressful turned into a great story of the kindness of New Yorkers. Someone being available and aware made our trip even more memorable.
Being Part of the "Pride"
It can be a different story in an office environment. Many people in that setting are focused on out-performing each other. Wouldn't it be a nice change of pace to be aware of current projects just in case a little free time comes your way? Your co-worker might benefit from your help and might even return the favor some time.
This concept can be transferred to school as well. Offering a pencil to someone or sticking up for a classmate who is being bullied is just the right thing to do. I do not condone offering covert assistance on tests. That's anti-manners. But helping with a project or running lines with your actor friend is a great way to lend a hand. I also understand there are many of you listening to this podcast who are already doing these things. You are to be commended. See this as encouragement to keep it up.
If someone drops something, offer to pick it up. If someone spills something, offer your napkin or offer to go get something absorbent. If a person is short a few coins on a purchase, offer to pitch in. Again, the favor might come back to you or someone will notice your thoughtfulness, and it will alter the way they think about the world.
Having a "Yes" Face
Once a man came upon a washed out bridge. He noticed a group on horseback struggling to cross the river. When all but one rider had made it to the other side, he asked the last man for a lift across. Finally on the other side the traveler was shocked to find that he had been helped by US President Thomas Jefferson.
When asked why he waited and then requested assistance from the President, the traveler replied that everyone else had "No" written on on their faces. Jefferson was the only one with a "yes face." I'm not encouraging being a person who says yes so often you run out of time for yourself or family and friends. Being available whenever possible would be the thought to stick with there.
Persons with Disabilities
One final point about this topic. I have a friend named Matthew who uses a wheelchair. I've learned from Matthew that many who use wheelchairs or are physically disabled are simply interested in being able to do things for themselves. And because there is validity in offering to everyone, offering help to persons with disabilities should also be in order. The point is to not take offense when, in this situation or any other, your offer to help is turned down. Some folks just like to do things for themselves.
My challenge to you is to offer assistance to someone today -- or tomorrow, and everyday - have a "yes face."
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