It has been an exciting few episodes here on the Modern Manners Guy's Tips for a More Polite Life, but I can't leave well enough alone. So your Modern Manners Guy has conceived a new idea and is going to tackle pregnancy etiquette in this episode-- and I'm not just looking at how you might be a more polite pregnant lady, but how we as the general public should act toward someone who is pregnant. I'll get right to it after this word from my gracious sponsor.
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Manners for Pregnant Women and Their Spouses
Being pregnant and carrying a baby for 9 months (roughly) is one of those exciting and fascinating parts of life. Those who become pregnant experience a litany of physical and emotional changes. It can be a time of excitement and fear and feeling beautiful and gross all at the same time.
I think it's understandable that pregnant women talk about being pregnant. Being pregnant is all consuming;it's more than a full-time job and can therefore become the center of every conversation that a pregnant woman is involved in. Many times it is almost as consuming for the future dad. This "partner in pregnancy" can be just as consumed with learning everything that has to do with pregnancy and delivery.
My first bit of advice to expectant moms and dads is to avoid making the pregnancy all you ever talk about. There are those who will want to hear about it, but there are also those who are not interested in having a baby or who cannot get pregnant. It's a good thing to be aware of those around you and then make sure you talk about things everyone else wants to talk about as well. I'm not saying don't ever talk about it-- just monitor your topics and mix it up from time to time.
On the flip side, you can't be expected to avoid the topic altogether when you’re around someone who has had difficulty getting pregnant or who has suffered a miscarriage. Keep it moderate and sensitive. Avoiding it completely will also make things uncomfortable.
Pregnant Women Should Dress Appropriately
When talking to The Mighty Mommy about this topic, one of the many good tips she gave me is that pregnant women should dress appropriately. Yes, you should be proud of the things that are happening to your body, but that doesn't mean that everyone else needs to have a front row seat. There are clothing lines made for those "with child" and part of being excited about your situation is to proudly wear maternity clothes that fit properly. Take someone with you when you shop or ask the advice of a salesperson. Then, after you ask for their advice, take it.
Remain Polite Under Pressure
For most women who become pregnant, the pregnancy will be obvious. That will most certainly attract others who for some reason feel like they can touch your belly. These belly-rubbing strangers are behaving totally inappropriately and their behavior can even be considered offensive. However, you must still keep your manners in mind. Raising your voice or slapping that hand away are what the other person might deserve, but manners are not about what they deserve. Feel free to pull away but speak kindly when you politely pull away and say, "Oh. That really makes me uncomfortable."
Manners for Those of Us Around Pregnant Ladies
And now to those belly-rubbing crazies and the rest of us who are bound to stick our feet in our mouths, a little advice.
Do not ever touch someone's belly unless you have been given permission. No matter how tempted you might be-- do not rub that belly. It is not yours so hands off. It is also absolutely off limits to lift up a woman’s shirt to see or touch her stomach.
Never ever never never ever never never never never ever ask a lady if she is pregnant-- ever. And never comment on someone's appearance unless it is positive. As mentioned earlier, a pregnant woman is experiencing lots of changes and may be very conscious of her appearance. Whatever you plan to say about her appearance, say it out loud to yourself a few times to make sure it is not offensive.
Okay. Those were "never" situations. Here are a few tips based on the word "always".
Always offer your seat to a pregnant woman. Always open the door for a pregnant woman. If you notice someone who is pregnant drop something or get into a situation where she might have to overexert herself, offer to pitch in. However, do not force yourself into the situation. If your help is refused, don't be offended. Graciously bow out of the situation and carry on with your day. And finally, I've had a pregnant listener ask me to mention that all of you kind and generous women might offer cuts in the restroom to pregnant ladies. You can do what you want with that suggestion.
Manners of Offering Advice to Pregnant Women
And that brings me to advice. If you are asked for your advice, give it with fervor. However, we should make sure we give advice only when it is needed-- and that goes for most situations, not just pregnancy.
Pregnant women, especially first-timers, might be interested in all the advice they can get, but after a time all of this advice can become tiresome. It's possible to incite riotous behavior from someone who has gotten too much advice. So in the interest of personal safety, it might be a good idea to ask before offering said advice. Again, if your offer is rejected, do not take it personally. That might have been the straw about to break the camel's back and your politeness in the situation could be the ray of hope in an otherwise overwhelming day.
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