How to be More Mannerly

by Trent Armstrong

A new year is upon us and that usually means it's time to draw up a list of resolutions. Folks will be hitting the gym and following new diet plans, patching up relationships, and even finishing long forgotten photo albums. And if you didn't already have enough stuff to work on for the coming year, I would like to offer a challenge.

How to be More Mannerly

In preparing for this set of tips I was thinking back over the last year and all the emails I've received. Many of them contain compliments for various tips I’ve given, and some are requests for new manners tips. However, there have been several emails asking for advice on how you can correct someone else's rude behavior. I think many of us (even your Modern Manners Guy from time to time) would like to just go ahead and tell folks when we think they are being unmannerly and how they should correct their behavior.
My first tip to being more mannerly is to monitor your mannerly attitude. It is very easy for us to judge others for being unmannerly. It is not, however, very mannerly to do so. Yes, even I, the bearer of all quick and dirty manners tips fall into this trap. Let's all work together in the coming months to offer grace and understanding without feeling the overwhelming need to point a polite finger at those we deem rude. Unless you are teaching manners to your child or someone who has asked for advice, your best option is to lead by your humble example.

Quick and Dirty Tips for Being More Mannerly

I also wanted to take a few of the major moments from the last fifty-two or so posts and boil them down into a quick list. This set of tips can be a starting point for each day that will help you live a more polite life. These tips are not necessarily in order of importance since all of them are necessary.

Put Others First

When it comes to being rude, the ones who do that the best are the ones who put themselves before others. Trampling someone to get the last toy on the shelf or driving recklessly to keep another motorist from merging in front of you are both ways to show others that you are more important than them.
Of course, you don't want to be a complete push-over, but if each of us decided to average out our agendas and make an effort to put others first, the world would run a lot more smoothly.

Average Out Your Agenda

There aren't many of us who don't have an agenda for the day. Your agenda may include getting things done efficiently.. It may include spending time with your kids. It could even include getting home to cook dinner for someone you love. 
Running over everyone who gets in the way of your agenda is quite the opposite of polite. It would be silly to make to-do lists if we didn't expect to get anything done. However, it is possible to average out our priorities with the priority of being mannerly. It doesn't always work out like we had hoped, but putting forth the effort is more important than getting it right every time.

When Shouldn’t You be Mannerly?

When we think about manners, we usually look at them from the standpoint of something I can do for someone else (or something someone else can do for me if you're trying too hard). But there is an area of manners that isn't talked about much: when to not be mannerly. What?! you might be wondering. How could The Modern Manners Guy say there is a time to not be mannerly?! There are a number of situations where this is the case, and I'll give one example to show you what I mean. 

Consider you have a friend who needs a favor-- maybe someone to give them a lift to the airport on the evening of your wedding anniversary. Or maybe it's the same time as your kid's playoff soccer game. They've come to you out of need and it seems only mannerly to provide this service. After all, wouldn't you want them to help if you had a need? The issue comes when this favor intrudes on family or your safety. If you need a note from your Modern Manners Guy, I'll certainly let this person know you are obligated to your family. Anything that seems to be mannerly but is to the detriment of your spouse, kids, or close friends should not even take more than a moment's consideration.

It is difficult to be mannerly some times; but if you are trying to do the right thing and feel threatened physically or emotionally in any way, cut your losses. You will have more opportunities to be mannerly. The guy at the bar trying to buy you a drink may be harmless, but if you feel uncomfortable you have my permission to exit the situation without so much as a thank you.

These tips are fairly general, but it is always important to balance your busy schedule as you seek to get through your day while also trying to put others before yourself. And sometimes we need to put our families before others. Just remember that it is still considered putting someone before yourself.

Administrative

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Remember that if you have any comments or questions you may email me The Modern Manners Guy at manners@quickanddirtytips.com or leave a voicemail at 206-666-4MRM. And don't forget to become a fan of the podcast on FaceBook. Drop by, join the discussions, and let us know about your manners situations. You'll find a link to my FaceBook group at manners.quickanddirtytips.com.

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