Quick and Dirty Tips Podcasts

Episode Transcript

Tips on Tipping
Episode 51: Monday, November 03, 2008

Hi, everyone. This is The Modern Manners Guy. Thanks for listening to the show! I received an interesting question recently about tipping at a restaurant, so I've got some tips on tipping and even an insider's perspective on how your tip is received. But first I have some very useful information about GoToMeeting.

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Listener Kristin writes:

Hi Modern Manners Guy,

What is the real way to determine the tip at a restaurant?

I was a waitress a long time ago and was taxed on a portion of my tips so I always pay the tip on the full amount, including tax. However, some of my friends pay it on the subtotal before tax. Which is correct?

Personally, I give 15% most of the time, 20% when the service is outstanding (refill drinks without asking), or have been to the restaurant many times and know the staff. If the service is bad, I generally give a 10% tip.

Thank you for the email, Kristin. I'm glad you're interested in clearing this up. Frankly, I have never encountered anyone who tips on the subtotal before adding in the tax.

Money Matters

BUT I'm certainly not the financial expert of the Quick and Dirty Tips Network so I went straight to Money Girl with this part of question. Here's what she had to say:

I have always respected the fact that waitstaff make their living from tips, not from wages. I understand why some people would not want to calculate tips based on the post-tax, higher, grand total... especially in states that have a relatively high sales tax rate. However, I personally have always been in the habit of figuring 15-20% on the post-tax amount. If the bill includes a lot of wine or drinks, I will tip on the lower end of that range. Whether you tip pre-tax or post-tax, I think being as generous as possible for good service is the best rule to follow.

Mind Reading or The Disappearing Act

I think Money Girl brought up a critical point there. It seldom goes unnoticed when a member of the waitstaff seems to be reading your mind and providing refills and other services even before you realize you need something. The same can be said for the waiter who disappears only to return after you have made dissatisfied noises to the manager. But in both cases it's necessary to keep a few other things in mind when considering how you tip.

Self-Examination

First, was there anything unusual about your party? Sometimes we have special requests that have the waitstaff jumping through hoops and then consider it failure when everything isn't perfect. It's also fairly normal for a group of friends or family to become engrossed in conversation and frivolity only to ignore the waiter when he is making an effort to look after the table.

Insider's Perspective

I talked recently with a friend who waits tables. I asked her about the potential misconception of tipping someone under or over the typical percentage in order to send a message. Most of us think that tipping poorly for bad service will convey our frustration with the way we've been treated. However, the flip side of that is seldom true. How many of us actually think of tipping 30% or more for really good service?

My friend indicated that tipping under the customary 15% is usually seen as just being cheap. It's a good way to get yourself an untoward nickname, and I'm sure you'll be disappointed to know that it's almost never seen as an encouragement for the waiter to improve the service he gives the next customer. If you tip that way frequently, your reputation will precede you and soon YOUR manners will be in question instead of the waiter's.

Waiters Are People Too

Also, and I know it's hard to fathom this, waiters and waitresses are actual people and might even have a bad day now and again. Being as polite to the waitstaff as you would like them to be with you is imperative. I'm not implying that you should excuse poor service. Mentioning something to the manager should be your first priority, and choose your words carefully, not out of anger. Your genuine concern for the success of the business will encourage the manager to work with that waiter or waitress on improving their performance. Otherwise, it's just a bunch of people getting chewed out and going home mad.

The Sum(mary)

Now that we've finally gotten to the tipping part of the meal, look back to Money Girl's advice and find your comfort zone within that 15% to 20% range. If the service at one of your favorite restaurants has truly been atrocious, bring it to the manager's attention and look to build a relationship with the people at that restaurant. Those who want to improve will, and those who don't will be gone soon anyway. Your politeness will soon set you apart from the other patrons, and I'm pretty sure your service will only improve.

Administrative

Thank you for listening to the Modern Manners Guy's Quick and Dirty Tips for a More Polite Life. And a big thanks to Money Girl for her insight. You can find more from Money Girl at qdnow.com. Transcripts of this show can be found online at manners.quickanddirtytips.com. But you should really visit the site so you can get your GoToMeeting.com/podcasts link for a free 30-day trial.

Keep sending your questions and comments to manners@quickanddirtytips.com Or leave a voicemail at 206-666-4MrM. The Modern Manners Guy is part of the Quick and Dirty Tips Network, which has released its first book--Grammar Girl's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Writing. Order it now anywhere books are sold.

Comments (9) for Tips on Tipping | Subscribe to Comment

Amy Says:
10/21/2009 1:46:11 PM

I almost always tip at least 20%. I would consider 15% if I thought the service was mediocre. If the service is really bad, like the time my waiter disappeared for 90 minutes, I do speak to the manager. They will usually offer to give you one of your meals complementary (for free). For exceptional service, I do actually tend to tip 25 to 30 percent. I've even been known to tip 50% for extraordinary service.

former waitress Says:
12/7/2008 2:06:42 PM

Hi, I am sorry but I have to disagree with Modern Manners Guy and Money Girl - I waited tables at "fine dining" restaurants in college in Washington, D.C. At the end of the night, all of our credit card tips were calculated as a percentage of the BASE bill, not on the "tax-included" amount. The management used this %age as a rough guide to how well we were doing. Then, they took that number (say, 17% avg. tip) and applied it to the total receipts we rang up. So if I sold $1000 of food and beverage, they assumed I made $170 in tips. (Since more than 1/2 of our customers put the tip on their credit card, this wasn't so inaccurate.) Wait staff then had to tip 5% of that amount to the bartender, and 10% to the bus boy. On weekend nights, there was an "expediter" in the kitchen who puts all of your garnishes and sauces on plates and loads them on a tray for you, and that person got 5% as well. Luckily for us, the bills often were pretty high as we sold a lot of expensive wine. I now have 2 post-graduate degrees and am thankful that I do not wait tables anymore, as it is backbreaking work. I try to tip 20% to a wait person who is obviously trying hard, even if the overall service is bad, b/c I know it is often not the waiter's fault that the kitchen is slow or the bartender can't mix well. In those situations, definitely speak to the manager.

server Says:
11/30/2008 2:54:12 AM

I'd like to respond to non-tipper. Kudos to higher education. Many, many of us serve you (the 'educated' one) to pay for schooling for ourselves. Even if that is not the case, the fact of the matter is it takes all kinds of workers to make your world comfortable. No one in their right mind would take a job serving (apparently better spoken, better educated people than ourselves) for well under minimum wage. If all diners took your outlook on the situation you would have no where to eat out, because restaurants would no longer have any service employees. Furthermore, we are taxed on our tips which often renders our hourly wage close to nonexistent. One thing I'd like to mention to money girl- yes, tipping is at the discretion of the diner; do it any way you'd like. If, however you are trying to tip in all fairness, i disagree with your suggestion of a lower tip if there are a lot of drinks on the bill. We need to pay just as much attention to you when you are drinking, we remember what you are drinking, we do not let your drink glasses become empty, and we help you choose drinks that are to your taste. Wine presentation and suggestion is done properly and at your table. Finally, in most restaurants, we have to tip out the bartender for all of the drinks he has gotten us for you.

Former restaurant employee Says:
11/12/2008 12:59:20 PM

Non-tipper: I'm guessing you are not a patron of fine dinning. Is Steak-n-Ale or T.G.I.Friday's a treat for you? High-end restaurants not only offer excellent, professional service but also insight and "education" into the proper paring of food and wine. In fact, viticulture is the science, production, and study of grapes with a large portion devoted to the complexities of wine. Here's a tip for you: get some class and some culture. Next time you dine don't just stuff your face, ask questions about the food and about the wine, you might just learn a thing or two. And after asking such questions your server shrugs, chuckles, and walks away swiftly, then perhaps you should raise your standards of dining.

Modern Manners Guy Says:
11/7/2008 5:49:39 PM

I'm excited that this had generated a little talky-talk, but I would like to encourage a little more candor. I work hard at my job, but when I finish a project on time and under budget, I actually get a "tip" or bonus. Many of us get Christmas Bonuses or "tips" when the company has done well or, at least, hasn't done poorly. I would consider this the "tip" for the business world and I certainly do not want to get to the end of a project and not get that bonus. The bonus is not my main source of income, but it sure does encourage me to excel at my job. The Christmas Bonus comes each year (kind of like my 15% gratuity). I imagine that if I didn't do my job well, I would be asked to take a hike and would henceforth cease to receive The Christmas Bonus -- all the more reason to do my job well.

Tipper (not Gore) Says:
11/5/2008 1:29:30 PM

Non-Tipper, the restaurant business model relies on you, the customer to pay part of the waitperson's wages. We didn't create the business model, but those working within the model simply do not get paid (other than a couple of dollars an hour) if we don't tip. I understand you don't agree with the model. But unless you eat in one of the few restaurants that pay waitstaff a salary and ask patrons not to tip, then if you choose to eat out (use that business model), you need to do your share in the model. If you don't agree with the placement of a new stoplight and choose to run it, will the officer who writes you a ticket care that you don't like society's business model for traffic flow? Please don't take it out on the person who needs the wait job while going to get the education you speak of.

Tipper Says:
11/5/2008 12:15:55 PM

I would like to respond to non-tipper. You are so wrong. Not only do these people make low wages, some of them are college graduates just trying to make a living because a job in their field is not available. I know...I was one of them with a college degree. It took me three years to land a job in my field but still at lower wages then normal. If it hadn't been for all those wonderful people who left me tips, my kids and I would have gone hungry. No I wasn't one of those people who got pregnant without marriage...and no I wasn't divorce, I was a widow who all of a sudden had to support the family. So non-tipper grown up and quit begin a wimp. Haven't you heard about all the job closings. I give those people credit for having to put up with people like you.

Non-Tipper Says:
11/5/2008 10:48:45 AM

I refuse to tip, under all circumstances. Why should I tip the person whose JOB it is to provide SERVICE to me? I work hard, have an excellent, well-paying, career, yet I would NEVER expect to be tipped for my work. Why should someone who already gets paid to serve me EXPECT anything more? Tipping is wrong, for so many reasons, and those that believe in doing it are just showing how foolish they are, to be taken advantage of. If you believe in tipping, then you also believe in accepting mediocracy, and that is sad. Don't tell me that the person serving my food, or other service, "relies" on tips for their income, or that their base salary is so low that they need tips. That's BS! Everyone in our society has an opportunity to get an education, to learn a real marketable skill, and to be successful. If the uneducated, low-life serving my food accepts the hard, thankless, JOB that they are stuck doing as their CAREER, then it's not my fault. Remember, life is full of choices. Choose to get a real education and enjoy the benefits of a successful life.

Armando Says:
11/4/2008 4:57:39 PM

This is another pointer when you are going to a Catered event. In a catering event you don't pay for the event, the bar is open bar and you have food that was chosen by the host. The service provided is different. (you can see my blog at www.oralsa.com) I would recomend to tip the waiter in charge of your table $20 and $1 when you go to the bar, if you don't have singles and you are planing to get a lot of drinks during the event, chose a bartender and tip him $20 to $40, tell him you want to take care of him and don't want to wait when you want A drink, (if you are getting shots or more that 2 drinks tip extra) the drinks are free anyway) Remember in a catered event the bartender works with what was send, don't try to look elegant and order a white russian if you don't know what it has. One big thing, if you are not planning to tip it's ok just don't flash money when you are ordering or reach for your pocket looking for the tip, the bartender will cut you off (yes they have the right to do it, if they think you are overserved or simple they will "pretend they are serving you alcohol" DON'T say to your friends in an open bar "let me buy you some drinks or Get the drinks I'll pay for them you will be consider a cheap person by your friend (belive me I have heard them) and the bartender will serve you just a tinny little portion of gin) Once the bar is closed, don't think the bartender will give you a drink for one dollar, he is risking his license and his job, so show a $20 and you;ll get the drink, Too expensive you say, then go to a bar. Most of the catering companies don't allow tip jars but they let the bartenders to receive the tip, so just tip, leave the dollar on the table get your drink and leave, One last think if you don't know what to ask for ask the bartender he recommend to you, if you tip don't be afraid to return it and ask for another drink if you didn't tip just leave it at the Hiboy table and look for another bar.