When Can You Start Eating When Dining with Others?

by Trent Armstrong

Email Question

When is it OK to start eating your food in a restaurant? Today's article  in response to a recent email asking whether you need to wait until everyone has their food before you can start eating.

When Can You Start Eating During a Casual Meal with Friends?

This question has different answers depending on the situation. I'll start with the most casual dining situation and talk about eating out with friends first.

Let’s say you’re popping out for a bite with some of your friends and are making your way to a fast food restaurant or something just a rung or two up the ladder (a diner or buffet might also be in this category.) I'm talking about the kind of eatery where there is a good chance each person will get his or her food at a completely different time.

In this situation, it's OK for each person to begin eating when their food arrives, as it could be more than a few minutes from the time you get your food and everyone else gets theirs. If the food is served warm, it is certainly within the realm of manners to eat your food while your companions are waiting on their own. Of course you don’t have to start eating; it is also mannerly to wait until everyone has their food...

Should yours be the food that is holding everything up, go ahead and encourage everyone else to eat. They will make noises in protest. So calmly assure them that it would be a travesty to not consume that jr. double with cheese while it is still toasty.

You should also feel free to encourage others that it's perfectly mannerly to eat up and proceed as an example. "Surely," you could say, "John would be mortified if he knew you were letting your sandwich get cold while waiting for him."

If you're not that brave, simply go with the crowd. Sit for a moment and observe whether anyone else is opening their Fun Meal and follow suit.

When Can You Start Eating During a Casual Lunch with Coworkers?

When you and your coworkers head out for a meal, it might be more likely that you'll be at a restaurant where the dishes are served at about the same time. The issue arises when there is a great number of you, so it still takes a while for each person to receive his or her meal.

In this situation, just wait. It's not likely your food will be cold by the time everyone has been served. If, in fact, your food is delivered cold, you might think about sending it back--politely, of course.

In the situation in which someone's order is wrong and the waitstaff must make a mad scramble to rectify the situation, it is certainly mannerly to go ahead and eat. If you're the one who is still waiting on your food, make a big show about how everyone should proceed.

When Can You Start Eating as a Guest in Someone's Home?

Now, let's turn our attention to eating as a guest in someone's home. I'm not talking about hotdogs and chips on paper plates in front of the football game. I'm referring more to a sit-down family style dinner, and this is a time when you are able to make your host feel like a king or queen. As everyone is encouraged to make their way to the table, stand behind your chair until your host is seated. Then, with your napkin in your lap, wait until everyone has been served and your host begins to eat.
Teach Your Kids the Manners of When to Start Eating

The manners of when to start eating is something that's very exciting to teach your children, as well. Be the example and gently encourage them to watch the host. Not much will make a child feel "grown up" like these adult things.
This goes for family meals at home, too. Whoever spent the most energy preparing the meal is to be considered the "host". When he or she sits, everyone else sits. When he or she eats, everyone else eats. Implementing that in your home will make it commonplace for your kids to practice these manners in other people's homes.

When to Start Eating During a Sit-Down Dinner for Work

As for work meals, it's important to follow the same practice as when in someone's home. Think of the most senior employee as the »host», the guest of honor. You should also apply that level of respect to  anyone with the word “client” next to their name.

Summary

Of course, it's best to follow your host's wishes and eat if you are instructed to do so. However, your polite attention and reverence as you wait patiently will show your host how important he or she is to you. And therein lies the groundwork of all good manners.

Thank you for joining me for another of The Modern Manners Guy's Quick and Dirty Tips for a More Polite Life.

Remember that if you have any comments or questions you may email me The Modern Manners Guy at manners@quickanddirtytips.com or leave a voicemail at 206-666-4MRM. And don't forget to become a fan of the podcast on FaceBook. Drop by, join the discussions, and let us know about your manners situations. You'll find a link to my FaceBook group at manners.quickanddirtytips.com.